Mastering The Art of Resilience: A Guide to Resisting External Forces for Victorious Living

Are you someone who feels weighed down by pressures or obstacles in life? Perhaps someone who is faced with offense, negativity from others, or seemingly insurmountable challenges?

I’ve been there.

As defined in Merriam-Webster Dictionary, resilience means “the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress.” The art of resilience is not just about a person’s ability, but also the person’s attitude or mentality to resist external forces—that amidst stresses, pressures, or challenges, they are able to bounce back and recover, not allowing it to affect them. For instance, Gold is a noble metal, and this means that just like other noble metals, it is inert or non-reactive to other substances that makes it stable and so, it becomes resistant to corrosion and oxidation—it doesn’t rust or corrode easily. Gold is the most noble metal for it is the least reactive and is extremely resistant to external forces.

Just like Gold, there is that art of resilience when we are able to resist certain stresses or pressures in life that could hinder us from unlocking our full potential and ultimately ‘corrode’ our lives. When metals are subject to a corrosive environment for a period of time, they can begin to rust under these conditions and can compromise their structural integrity. When we allow external forces to affect us and when we allow ourselves to dwell on those conditions, like rust on metal, we eventually do ourselves no good. We cannot blame others for the situation we are in. More-so, we cannot blame our past, our culture, our upbringing, or certain things around us. We cannot control circumstances in our lives, but we can control the way we respond. When we are able to master the art of resilience to resist external forces in our lives, we can learn to embrace the victorious life we are meant to live.

How Do I Resist External Forces to Live a Victorious Life?

To master the art of resilience, we need to know how we can be able to resist external forces in our lives that we may live victoriously.

1. Recognize External Forces.

2. Know Your Intrinsic Value.

3. Separate Yourself from External Forces.

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1. Recognize External Forces.

Certain types of metals corrode when placed under certain environments, temperatures, and conditions where certain reactions with other substances, such as with gases, electric currents or even bacteria, take place. Even Gold and other noble metals that are least reactive to other substances and don’t easily corrode, can still deteriorate with exposure to specific chemical reactions such as with strong acids like hydrochloric acid or bases like sodium hydroxide and even physical or mechanical forces. In relation to this analogy, there are also external forces that are capable of deteriorating different aspects of our lives when we are not aware of them. And when we allow them to affect us, we subject ourselves to detrimental effects towards our well-being.

Some External Forces That Could Affect Our Lives:

• Societal Pressures. These could be ideals or standards that pressure you into being someone you’re not to be accepted or validated. It may be pressures from beauty standards and body image ideals that compel people to conform to these ideals or standards. It may be from the pressures of needing to be in a certain social status to be an acceptable member of society. Or perhaps pressures of one’s educational attainment and accomplishments that gain societal approval.

• Expectations of Others. These could be unrealistic expectations put on us by others that pressures us to achieve goals they have set towards us and expecting us to be a certain way or accomplish certain things. It can be from other people and sometimes, even from our family. Though, it’s not always about them projecting their opinions on us or what they want. It could also be from a place of having our best interests at heart, motivating us to do better to achieve our goals. However, whatever the reason, allowing ourselves to be directed by the expectations of others and not meeting those expectations or what’s expected of us can stir up disappointment and frustration, not just from others but even ourselves, which affects our self-esteem and self-perception.

• Offense. These could be things that people say or do towards you that you interpret as against you—your beliefs, your self-concept, or your perception—which you take offense at. When we take offense or when we take the things that people say or do personally, it shows that we don’t have a strong self-concept and we tend to attach our identity with our ego, other people’s views and opinions of who we are to them, or our previous experiences. Allowing offense to take place in our lives is a choice. We can choose to subtract ourselves from what others say and do towards us when it challenges our self-concept. Offense destroys relationships and tarnishes our view of ourselves and our true identity.

• Negativity from Others. In line with offense, negativity is a common language people speak towards others, especially when things don’t go a certain way, when you are in a difficult place, or even when you’re in a good place in life. Rather than seeing good in people and situations, some people will always have a negative outlook towards you, may it be from a place of envy, judgement, or doubt. People will always try to pour negativity into your cup, but it’s your choice to allow it to fill your life and affect you.

• Peer Influences. These are influences from our peers that sometimes pressure us to conform or do something to fit in or feel accepted, even when it’s something we’re uncomfortable with, harmful risks, or things we might rather choose not to do—and some people do these things anyway because of the fear of missing out or the validation they seek from others. When we allow these influences in our lives, it could not only stray us away from our purpose and identity, it could also harm us physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

• Other Factors. There are also other factors such as our health, our capabilities, our skills, our current state, our finances—physical and environmental factors that play a role and function in our lives. Often times, when reality strikes us in our lack, in our sickness, or in our incompetence, it gets hard to have faith and hope for the situations we are in. We tend to look down on ourselves or wallow in despair that we hinder ourselves from reaching our goals and unlocking our full potential.

When we allow ourselves to be affected by this, we lose the essence of who we are and who we were made to be. These external forces, pressures, and influences are inevitable. They are bound to happen in the course of our lives and we cannot always avoid them. But when we recognize them and learn to respond consciously rather than react impulsively, we can learn to live victoriously. We have a God-given purpose and we are meant to live a victorious life. Once we are firm in our identity, who God made us to be, and discover our God-given purpose, it allows us to have a strong self-concept that resists anything that’s said or done against us.

“The reward for conformity is that everybody likes you except yourself.” — Rita Mae Brown

2. Know Your Intrinsic Value.

According to Britannica, Gold has several qualities that have made it exceptionally valuable throughout history. It is attractive in color and brightness, durable to the point of virtual indestructibility, highly malleable, and usually found in nature in a comparatively pure form. It is relatively rare, resistant to corrosion and oxidation, it does not corrode or tarnish, and therefore a highly favored material for many uses. The history of gold is unequaled by that of any other metal because of its perceived value from earliest times. Even in its raw form, however you find them from rock mines or from rivers—no matter what condition the gold deposits you find are in—Gold is Gold. It is valuable and will never lose its value. Just as a $100 bill doesn’t lose its value even if it gets crumpled, gets wet in the rain, gets dirty, and even if it braves the elements.

Our intrinsic value is rooted in who God is in us and who He made us to be—our true identity in Him. We are valuable. Nothing and no one could devalue us, nor could we lose our value. We have to understand that value we have and our worth is from God as we are made in His image and likeness, and we are His masterpiece—His workmanship, His poetry, His work of art. When we truly understand this, it’s easier for us to resist outside forces and pressures of the world that could discourage us, hinder us, and weigh us down to stop us from reaching our goals and fulfilling our purpose.

"Your value does not decrease based somebody's inability to see your worth" — Anonymous

3. Separate Yourself from External Forces

Gold is usually found in nature in its raw form. This would generally be gold alloyed with other elements, which means it’s a high content gold alloy but not pure gold. Gold must be refined—must be removed and separated from impurities, foreign elements, substances, or other minerals to extract pure gold. This is interestingly applicable in our own lives as we master the art of resilience in resisting external forces. With whatever pressures laid down on you by society, expectations that try to weigh you down, what people try to do and say towards you to offend you, negativity that tries to discourage you, or peer influences that tries to make you go astray, it could never change who you are and who you are made to be. It could never make you lose your value.

Don't attach yourself and your true identity with your ego and pride. Don't attach yourself with what people say about you, the recognition you get, the validation or approval of society, and even the negativity, the expectations, and the opinions of people. What they say won’t change who you are. What matters is what God says you are and value you have in Him. These are pressures that I have gone through myself. I have allowed myself to get weighed down by what people think, always trying to gain their validation and approval—a people-pleaser in a sense that I don't want their attention and recognition, but I was afraid of being a failure and disappointment that I have to constantly prove myself to them. When I do fail or not meet what's expected of me, I've always felt the world crashing down on me. I've labeled myself as a failure, a stuck-up, and a disappointment. I've allowed it to get to me that it affected my physical, social, mental, and emotional well-being.

But when I knew Jesus, He revealed who He was to me and who I am in Him—my value and worth that cannot be bought by any price, other than the price He paid for me. And I began to resist the outside forces that try to challenge my self-concept, the pressures that try to make me someone I'm not, the influences that stray me away from my purpose. I began to change my mentality and attitude towards circumstances and spoke over them. And you can affirm yourself too:

"I may have failed, but I'm not a failure."

"I have flaws and imperfections, but I am beautiful."

"I may not be what you want me to be, but I am unique."

Separate yourself from external forces and pressures. It does not change your value and who you are meant to be.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You are who God says you are. You are valuable. You are unique. You are beautiful. You have a gift. You have a purpose. You have a bright future ahead of you. Don't let pressures of what people think, influences of others, and negativity make you think otherwise. You are valuable. No one and nothing can change that.

May what you learned today encourage you as you master the art of resilience and resist external forces in your life. Do share your heart and thoughts in the comments and I would like to hear your stories as well. See you on the next blog post!

Sending love,

Coleene.

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Read the previous blog post: The Silent Struggle: A Journey towards Overcoming Insecurity